infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Arrrrgg I don't even know if I should sign up for the HSWC let along what team to join. Especially since I haven't written a lot at all lately (eek) and I feel like this summer is going to very busy and also have a lot of ~dramaz~
But still. I really want to do it! Plus I'm sure having a team of people who would give me constructive critique/a reason to stay on the bandwagon would help and maybe might be just what I need???
A list of possible teams because LISTS )
There are too many possibilities. Sigh. Now to narrow them down???
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
     Finally my throat doesn't feel like something dead is lodged in there. *shudders* I got a cold on Wednesday and for some reason I just ~knew~ that it was strep. Because I just ~know~ I have strep every time I get a cold and never do, because I'm paranoid about getting strep due to that one time I had it for like a month. Me being embarrassing  )
     Also while I was sick I wrote a thing! Because I am much more productive when I am sleep deprived. Here is a link to it on ao3:
     skyscrapers and stargazers in my head It's another glee/homestuck crossover in which Mercedes and Jade cuddle and look at stars and are cute basically it's cute girls in LOVE talking about SCIENCE and SPACE it's my ultimate comfort fluff.
infiniteandsmall: Kurt Hummel smiling lovingly (kurt hummel)
 The thought of vine famous!cooper is making me really happy.
as is the thought of lil middle school Blaine being into Bandom/fueled by ramen/decaydance bands and totally shopping at hot topic and his BFF who he met through fandom Kurt is horrified because god at least band shirts with classy blazers or something n Blaine's like dont act all classy at me i know you have like five tattoos and a lip piercing planned out and kurt's like well you want a nose piercing and wear a hello kitty beanie and blaine's all but it hides the curls and kurt just blinks at him because he has a crush on a boy wearing a hello kitty beanie help and then blaine tries to dye his hair in the sink and fucks it up horribly and Kurt is horrified and mr. Anderson is even more horrified and thus the dalton blazer happens. And they never go to warped the end.

infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Add to list of Songs That I Would Cry If Glee Covered Them*: FAKE YOUR DEATH omg I'd wail forever.
(the good kind of crying. Kinda).
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Almost didn't get anything done tonight, then pulled my shit together at seven and did everything but the hour of math that's on my dailies habitRPG thing, mostly because I have a paper due tomorrow night that I need to start tonight. Productivity is going to become a thing, I'm determined about that.

My barn's finally getting the arena roof fixed, so there will be a. no lessons b. no place for boarders to ride. I saw in at the boarders' meeting and oh god, the quiet despair. It was hilarious. I was half expected Pancake (who is our problem boarder) to stand up and start hollering about how this was going to ruin her horse, which would be a pretty typical reaction, but she just put her head in her hands very dramatically and made loud breathing noises. In the meantime, I am only going to be working five hours a week, which is EHHHH because I need money to buy a car/get insurance by next year and I don't think I'm even close. At least I have the five hours, one of the other grooms won't be getting any and she needs them to pay for her school tuition. :/ 

Also I am mad about Jared Leto winning the stupid Oscar or whatever (my sister has an intense crush on Leonardo DiCaprio and has been livetexting the Oscars at me). I am listening to Fall Out Boy because of this. Very punk rock (tries to hold pokerface but cannot). 

Also cannot decide if I should sign up for the Homestuck Shipping World Cup. I want to but I don't know if I can/if I will have enough time. Gaaaaah.
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
Have been trying to write again, and have been marginally successful because of habitrpg, and because I figured out that the best motivator was needing to get ten points to cash in in order to make any kind of edit to my "current faves" playlist, but less productive in actually getting things done, because homestuck steam punk story is too involved and plotty and just noon for the brain right now, and I've been very stuck with the Glee barn AU for reasons that I have trying to be figure out. Part of it was that it was hard to write about something so close and that there were complicated emotions and that I was very afraid to misrepresent something that is so important to me but. Something was also not working on a technical level, and I could figure out what that was, and that it was frustrating as fuck. And then I had a breakthrough while watering, which happens often and then I get distracted and accidentally almost spray the ponies with the hose. I was trying to start where the action does, but there was all this backstory and history hanging around that was necessary just to know how the barn works, because this isn't going to be super actiony and plotty it's mostly just barn life with like barn regionals in the form of an away show and I mean in this verse Blaine and Santana took pony lessons together when they were six! Backstory everywhere. Which is how it is at the barn because I've known some of these people since I was six and it is kind of family-like in that there is so much history. But now that that is figured out this story is gonna be completely different in the start but I know how it needs to be different and that is comforting.

So done

Feb. 13th, 2014 10:36 pm
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Currently in the same pajamas I've been wearing all day, wrapped in a blanket. *sneezes irritably* This is my second cold in the space of two months and I am SO DONE. I am also SO DONE with the weather. At first it was like OMG IT'S SEVEN OUTSIDE OH SHIT CANCEL LESSONS MAKE SURE YOU BREAK ALL THE ICE ON THE WATER BUCKETS OMG DOUBLE BLANKETS FOR EVERYONE BREAK OUT THE SPACE HEATERS and now it's like meh it's seven degrees at least it's not minus thirteen do I really need the second pair of gloves. But still it's tiring and it wears on you and everyone has cabin fever, the horses have cabin fever and so in the past week I have been dumped off by Mr. Prancy Arabian, who I am riding while his owner is in Florida for the winter, had a twenty-eight year old pony-camp pony take off bucking and flat out galloping and trying to run off on the lunge line ("Fia's going skiing" as my instructor put it), and nearly been devoured by my friend's temperamental and bored-out-of-his-mind gelding.

I haven't written anything in a month. It's terrifying. I want to, but I don't want to, but I can't, but I don't have thoughts, but I have too many add to that is the fact that I haven't really done anything this for at least two months. I had been doing pretty at good at productive piano practice for at least an hour a day, and then I'd usually end up fooling around at least another half hour, but lately I've been getting in fifteen minutes of fiddling with poppy-type songs or replaying old arrangments of poppy-type songs, or homestuck music or whatever. I think my piano teacher is getting frusterated with me toqh. I'm pretty sure my French teacher is too because lately I've been such a crappy student but I haven't been studying much and when I do it's just half-hearted and not sticking, which I'm not used to because usually things come very easily, especially language related stuff! I've been turning in things that have deadlines that I will fail if I do not turn in at the deadline and that is it. I don't even really want to eat or dick around on the internet and that is when you know it's bad. Objectively I know that it is depression or some kind of mental thing because idk I just fit like all the symptoms and this has happened before. I don't think it's my nature to be lazy and sad and numb and fucked up, I don't think, but I just can't get away from thinking that it's my fault and I'm lazy and dumb and will never get anywhere and am wasting my life and will continue to waste my life and maybe it is in your nature and it will never change??? 

But I've been lying around a lot listening to music, which is marginally more comfortable then lying around listening to music used to be because my friend gave me her old iPod when she got at update at Christmas. I realized that I had never actually listened to The Opheliac Companion (way back in the day no one had uploaded it to youtube and I cried many a tear of fangirl sweat and blood over that), so for at least a week I bribed myself into getting up by saying that if I did I could listen to one track of the Opheliac Companion, and it was definitely  worth it. It made me think about one the things I admire about myself is (weirdly enough) the relationship I have with Emilie Autumn as a fan??? Which sounds fucking bizarre and is something for a whole 'nother post but the tl;dr version is that considering that she saved my life time and time and time again and was and still is vital to my understanding of myself as a queer mentally ill afab person my fan relationship with her (weirdweirdweird omg) is pretty healthy and naunced and stuff. 
Then I started to listen to all the old poppunk I used to listen to omg again a whole 'nother post.

And then the movies I've watched on my iPod AGAIN A WHOLE 'NOTHER POST. Pacific Rim, Iron Man 3, Frozen, Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and then I am going to watch Thor 2. I also watched 21 Jump Street at my friends' urging it was kinda hilarious I have to admit. Also a lot gayer than I expected which was fine with me, and, as I then snapchatted to to people who made me watch it, IT WAS FILMED WHEN CHANNING TATUM HAD A NECK therefore I finally got why people find him attractive. I then sent a second snapchat which expressed my suspicion that Channing Tatum had sold his neck to the illuminati (or as we have meme'd it, the illuminate). I still think this is a plausible theory. 
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
I'm going back to bed.
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Had the worst pony camp day ever for a variety of reasons, some of which were my fault and some of which were not combining to make a veritable cocktail of bad feelings and worrying. Got home and all the ladystuck fics were being posted. Thank jegus. I'm now going to read ALL THE FIC and then probably sleep and pretend that no-one sent me snapchats. 
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Got the cold from hell that's been going around my barn New Years Night. Shivered/sweated with a fever for three days during which I did not want to eat or go on the internet. It was serious. Did not write, did not read, did not practice piano or do anything productive, basically. If this was a sign of how 2014 is going to go I might as well turn into a rock right now. The only thing I did was send people snapchats from my new iPod (okay not really new it has had two previous owner and was given to me by a friend after she got an upgrade for Christmas, but still. It's in very good shape and I love it), and wow snapchat is stupid but addicting and resulted in me and one of my friends reenacting Ke$ha videos with stuffed animals for at least at hour.

Still feeling kinda sick and have a couch that sounds like hacking up a lung, so I was pretty glad lesson got cancelled today due to cold and I was off grooming duty. Miss the money, did not miss coughing my way through the night and probably leaving my poor junior groom to do more than her share of the work. 

Also I signed up for HabitRPG, which looks really interesting and like it just might be very useful. 

Also during winter break I went and saw Frozen and also spent a lot of time listening to Angel Haze's Dirty Gold and being SO UPSET because it was SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD I. I want to write posts about both of them.
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
Okay it wasn't totally unexpected I've been mulling over it for like three months? Kinda?? But idk at some point it was really unexpected

I've worked every day this week, I just have tomorrow night and then I'm off until Sunday but will still be going down to the barn for fun stuff like riding/hanging with friends/the barn christmas party. Yesterday I was filling in for the usual groom, one of my really good friends who I don't get to see a lot was the junior groom, so it was really fun, and then while I was finishing up cleaning a saddle my lease horse's owner came into the lunch room and said, "hey, do you want to ride Skip? I hurt my knee and I can't." So I got to ride him and ended up getting home at seven ready to drop. 

Behind a cut for gender dysphoria stuff )
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 This is the most hilarious thing I have seen this week and I don't even know why it's so funny I just. the best part is the Fall Out Boy one at number 137 IT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE and it's great. I have reread this list every time I feel sad this week and it puts me in an awesome mood this dude should seriously write a music critique column I would read it. HE'S SO MAD ABOUT THINGS.

I had a private lesson on the new lease horse, Skippy, with the barn owner/head instructor. It went...pretty okay? It definitely wasn't my best ride and it wasn't the best I can do but I was trying my best, if that makes sense? We did lounging before because she wanted to see how I could do with lounging, and it got kind of long so he was tired by the time I started riding. I've never really been formally taught to lounge, so I got a few tips, but I did fine with him. He's a little friskier than the schoolies, but it was fine. I wasn't really scared and I knew that I could calm him down, so it didn't bother me, and if you're not scared than they're like well ok this is stupid let's stop being dumb. He got a treat after and I cleaned his buckets and filled them with warm water. Then I hung out with the groom and junior groom tonight. The groom's my age and really awesome, she's the other leaser for Skip and likes dressing in full camouflage. The junior groom tonight was filled in for the usual one, he's a very sassy twelve year old who reminds me of a little Warbler Trent, gels his hair and is VERY CAREFUL WITH IT, and was for some reason singing "The Holly and the Ivy" and trying to do the splits in the middle of the aisle today.

Also for some reason today my mom accused me and my sister of stealing three hundred dollars from her and got all pissed off when we denied it. )
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 The thing about dreamwidth is that it is not tumblr. That means I cannot simply post, "everytime someone writes touch-starved!Dirk Strider a little winged pony flies down from the sky gives a crying person all the mad shooshpaps" with feeling like I also have to post about why I have not posted in weeks and how I am doing on my fanfic and whether I saw the latest episode of Glee and all the jazz.
Also "Dance or Die" by Janelle Monae is such an alpha kids song ALSO Jade Harley/Mercedes Jones is such a perfect thing and imagine KURT MEETING KANAYA?? Like they're both so similar aside from both loving fashion they also like nurturing people but are not afraid to say HEY YOU ARE BEING A DUMBASS PLEASE PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. I could see them putting together cheese trays together for people they love. They are also SO SILLY UNDERNEATH ALL OF THEIR SERIOUSNESS like what a pair of goofs. 
infiniteandsmall: Mercedes being gorgeous and smiley (mercedes jones)

Intoabar signups have arrived and DAVE STRIDER IS MEETING MERCEDES JONES is this or is this not the recipe for either perfection/utter disaster.

Also the new Homestuck calendar *fans self* so gorgeous.

A Katy or a Gaga )
infiniteandsmall: Marley Rose looking kinda done with your bullshit (marley rose)
I was going to post last night, but then I spilled my hot chocolate all over the carpeted floor in my bedroom and.
Yeah. There was no posting. At least I got it all out in the end?

So I guess I'm leasing a horse now?? )
Also I have feelings about fictional gay characters it must be a day ending in y )
infiniteandsmall: Diva!Unique in her big  fur coat struttin' her stuff (unique adams)
 Fully caught up on sleep! Today I got to just lounge around and after doing all the school I wanted to get done and finishing a Rose/Kanaya oneshot that has been sitting in an MS word file for months I start to reread Hivebent

Spoilers for Hivebent! )
So excited for the next Glee episode )
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Fall schooling show this weekend!

It was a ton of fun )It was a ton of fun )
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 So I get home from the barn and suddenly Glee is ended???
Homestuck is ended???
Do you hear that that is the sound of my fandoms crumbling into dust.
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
So one of the horses at my barn died yesterday.

And so many emotions lately I'm not used to this )
infiniteandsmall: A close up of Songbird!Santana Lopez (Default)
 Homestuck )
Glee! )Barn stuff! )

Writing and music! )
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